"Monsters! Monsters from the Id...!" [NSFW, 18+] Primarily porn and kink, Fantasy hypnosis and mind control (some of it dark, dubcon or noncon, and rapey) leavened with real-world hypnosis info. Some original content, plus reblogging stuff I like. I'm a mid-fifties white cis male living in California
I’ve been putting this off for a week. A whole week I’ve been home since MindQuake and I haven’t written anything about it. Words feel wholly inadequate to describe my time there, the excitement, the fulfillment, the intimacy, the connection, the belonging. Hypno may not be my only kink, but this community has made it so important to me: the network of people sharing ideas and discoveries through classes, the creativity and the storytelling, the sudden intimacy and vulnerability. At MindQuake, I suddenly found myself around people who are passionate about the same things I am, who are all fucked up and open and vulnerable and kinky and accepting like I’m trying to be, and it was incredibly validating and affirming. I didn’t realize how much I’ve always felt like I’m on the outside until suddenly I didn’t anymore.
I learned, I took copious notes, I volunteered as demo bottom for…three classes? Plus the class I helped Mister teach. I had the great pleasure of not only being interrogated and fractionated by wiseguy, but also getting his advice on a tricky issue at home, and validation about feelings I didn’t know I needed to be validated, and words for feelings I’d been struggling with for months. I shared moments of intense vulnerability, intimacy, and connection with people I love and people I had never met before and all of it felt like it was meant to be. I had my two prescribed mid con melt downs and a lovely long week of con drop and long distance aftercare and all of it, every single second, was worth it.
Also, I fangirled over so many people whose tumblrs I follow—embarrassing, maybe, but it was also so, so cool to meet some of these amazing writers in person and to feel like a peer among them. Realizing that…I could be their peer, that I could have a place here among them, if only I’m willing to put in the time and effort to be a part of the community. That I have something to contribute, a perspective that people actually could give a shit about, a place among these amazing, creative, kinky, beautiful people. I’ve never wanted anything like I want this. For the first time since I graduated school I have a goal. Aspirations. I want to belong. I want to be a part of it all.
At MindQuake, I got to spend the entire weekend embodying a part of me that I don’t get to be often. The more I get to be her—confident, sexual, unafraid of taking risks, vulnerable, beautiful—the more I wonder if she is the ‘real’ me, the version of myself I’ve always wanted to be, the best me. Living this dream, following these passions, indulging in my deepest and truest desires. Hedonism. Beauty. Open, raw honesty. And connecting with people in the truest, realest ways I can imagine, and with each day that passes those connections become deeper. This is what makes me real. This is what gives my life purpose. Yeah, it’s kinky sex. But its so much more.